Untrained = Unloved
 

     I recently saw a bumper sticker proclaiming a very intriguing slogan quickly caught my attention. It said simply: Untrained = Unloved.
     Upon closer examination, I noticed that the smaller wording along the bottom of the sticker was advertising a local dog obedience school. Besides the fact that I am a hopeless dog lover, I could not help but consider the profound philosophical parallel between the bumper sticker and many aspects of everyday life—on a human level, of course.
     Every year it becomes more apparent to me that we are living in a society that has lost its understanding of unconditional love and the training and discipline that such love often demands—especially within the family context.
     As a minister, I’ve learned the importance of a healthy and proper understanding of the concept of unconditional love. But I am also amazed as I examine today’s society and see how deeply we have lost our perception of this profound truth. Yet, with amazing consistency, a lack of unconditional love seems to be at the core of much of the dysfunction and misbehavior in our current society.
     Unfortunately, the reality of unconditional love is not highly regarded or taught today. For the most part, our only understanding of this concept comes from religious teachings and faith-based instruction. This is due to the fact that real unconditional love is a manifestation and expression of divine character and behavior. Thus, the more we remove God and faith-based values from our schools and social curriculum, the less understanding and emphasis will exist on this important topic.
     Unconditional love is a love that continues to express itself without regard to circumstances or behavior. But it is in this aspect that some confusion can exist. The key to a balanced understanding of unconditional love is in our response to specific behavior or circumstances. We must therefore learn to distinguish between a person’s behavior and a person’s being.
     We must realize that we can love someone unconditionally even when we do not approve of that person’s conduct or behavior. Too often in our society we see these as being one in the same. Because of this, people are led to believe that if we do not approve of their behavior, we do not approve of them—and therefore cannot possibly love them.
     Unconditional love accepts you for what you are—not for what you do. Therefore, within the context of our most significant relationships, let us learn to discern between a person’s being and a person’s behavior. Loving relationships may be the most precious gifts God ever gives us in life. Let’s not ruin these wonderful gifts by wrongly reacting to the very ones we love the most.

Ken Owen