“Marriage Management For Mighty Mariners”

            Boaters (racing or pleasure) are no different than any other people or athletes. They enjoy all aspects of life just like the rest of the world … except they prefer it in and around water. Water sports are a legitimate way to have fun, fellowship, personal freedom, and go fast across a fairly flat body of water.

             For as long as there have been captains on sea-worthy crafts, the idea of a marriage performed at sea, (by the captain of a ship) has been a legal alternative for land-bound weddings. I’m not sure how that got started but a captain is in charge while out on the water, so I guess he carries some clout on the high-seas.

            I’m not a captain, but I do have the credentials to perform weddings whether on land or by sea. Since I’ve been married for over forty-one years, it should give me a little wisdom on the subject of holy matrimony (Marriage Management).

            A marriage comes down to mutual submission, which is a characteristic that pervades all relationships; physical and spiritual. The Bible compares the “marriage relationship” with that of Christ and His church. At times marriage can be a mystery … but it’s also a tangible demonstration of the relationship of Christ and the church. So if you are married, what does your marriage say to a watching world about the church and about God?

“Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Wives understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So, just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

            Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of His body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33 “MSG”)

            The apostle Paul, who wrote the letter to the Ephesians, is actually (you wouldn’t know it unless you were taught it) speaking of the spiritual love of Christ and the church … but the same holds true of marital love. Believers are mystically one with Christ … just as you are martially one with your spouse.

            Love in a marriage (also in the church) must develop, grow, be nurtured, and be protected at all times. A successful marriage sustains love at all times. Why? Because we are instructed in First Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) that, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

            Put God in your life, and in your married life too, and He’ll satisfactorily complete your life. The government may try to separate church and state, but if you separate God and marriage … it may not last too long. God ordained marriage from the beginning in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. The marriage covenant has been around since the first couple. And it’s always been a giving love … not a taking love. 

God designed the marriage covenant as an expression of His greatest desire for us; a rich, deep, intimate relationship. That is why Christianity relies on the foundation of “relationship” as its core principle. A relationship with God and His children is one where believers have come to Him in faith. The Holy Scriptures explicitly say we’re “Saved by grace through faith in Christ.” (Ephesians 2:8)

A marriage needs grace and faith to really make it successful. How do we inject grace into our marriages? A marriage requires mutual unselfishness, and a lifelong commitment: All humans need a high level of commitment to make any relationship work. Without grace, human love becomes demanding, conditional, and self-seeking. The better we become acquainted with the grace of God, the less threatened we feel to submit to authority. We also become less eager to abuse our own authority over others.

            Well known pastor, teacher and author Chuck Swindoll writes, “Scripture calls us to adopt attitudes and actions characterized by grace so that we can accept and live with the realities of marriage. Without the application of grace, the gears of our relationships will grind and eventually bring our marriages to a screeching halt. The wise fulfillment of our responsibilities according to God’s will is not something that comes from our own strength but from the Holy Spirit by God’s grace. The oil of grace will not flow in our horizontal relationships with others unless we first receive empowering grace from God in our vertical relationship with Him.”

            It takes a heaping portion of grace to fulfill this marital responsibility and to release control. It takes grace from God for a wife to accept it and grace toward her husband for her to live it. While God expects the wife to respect her husband so much that she lives for him, He exhorts her husband to love his wife so much that he would die for her.  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Grace in marriage releases and affirms … it doesn’t smother. Grace in marriage values the dignity of individuals … it doesn’t destroy. Grace in a marriage supports and encourages … it isn’t jealous or suspicious.

            The divine order required is submissive love. Godly principles and privileges are involved; sacrificial love, examples of God’s love, and the extension of the husband’s love.

The divine ordinance revealed which includes the primeval institution of marriage, the profound intention in marriage, and the practical instructions for marriage. Yes, the Bible has all the instructions that any couple needs for a successful marriage.

Public schools teach reading, writing, and arithmetic, but they don’t want the Bible there to influence and teach how to become virtuous husbands, wives, fathers and mothers. When you take the Bible out of school, you take the principles of a godly life out along with it.

A marriage is a far more delicately tuned and complicated mechanism than any drag boat. Two people are welded together … in the most intimate, continuous, and complex union possible.

There’s another divine ordinance revealed in marriage. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

A “creative work” takes place in a marriage as two people are joined together into a new entity. This teaches us the truth of “oneness” brought about by marriage.

  The wife’s role is to model true femininity through character traits that are precious to God and impressive to her husband.

 The husband’s role is to model genuine masculinity, unselfishness, and sensitive leadership that strengthens the home and gives dignity to his wife.

From a chaplain’s point of view, the purpose of a “Christian” wedding ceremony is for people to externalize their earthly and spiritual commitments. Remember, a wedding ceremony doesn’t determine the success of a marriage … but it’s a necessary step to begin the process.

The same is true about becoming a Christian: The “ceremony” of receiving and yielding to Christ merely begins the process of the relationship. Accepting Christ doesn’t determine that you will become a mature disciple either!

            Make committed love your first priority in all your relationships. Talk is cheap, words along with actions are what matters, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (1John 3:18) The wife is an extension of the man, just like believers are to be extensions of God. Committed relationships look better and sound better to God … than the best run in the history of this sport that we all love. Empty love and empty commitments are just a DQ in the Lord’s eyes.

Jim Jack